Castles and Dreams

[Ruler Of Ion]

A small, polite laugh left Dagmara’s chest. “Ah, how wonderful that would be! A date to remember indeed!”
The elder of the duo standing in the library, let her voice waver ever so slightly with her excitement, truly feeling her old heart flutter with the grand excitement of being able to see her beloved brother after so long. So much to talk about, so much to catch up on… She silently calmed her thoughts, feeling herself get flustered at the thought of having to schedule her day around talking to Gordon.

Celvi’s inquiry about whether or not Dagmara herself has received a letter from Gordon also. A soft nod was given, “Yes, he did. A brief one I might add” she replied softly, all difference in tone from excitement now gone leaving behind the same, soft and mild voice tone of any proper lady. She knew her niece’s curious nature was craving more information on the content of her aunt’s letter, but Dagmara wasn’t going to give into the personality flaw, hoping it would give more strength towards her personality of a lady.

She would not emit any information on the content of the letter, concerning her question to Gordon about marrying off Cevli. She wouldn’t want it to seem as if she were already planning a wedding that may not even happen. Lowering her gaze casually to her, hands se dropped the question she had truthfully been meaning to ask her niece. “Celvi, have you given any thought to marriage?”

{{bleh, sorry bout the cruddy post}}

[Celvi Gray]

Celvi heard the quavering in her aunt's voice and was reassured. There it was, the tiniest bit of human feelings coming through Dagmara's almost perfect mask. But she choose to simply elide it, knowing Dagmara might be angry at herself for foregoing the rules she taught others. It was good though to see 'the Manners Witch' act so normal once in a while.
This woman truly had a heart of gold hidden somewhere behind her thick skin, but where Celvi's father could openly act on it, his sister had to mask it thoroughly for her own protection. It was in those moments that Celvi realized through all the annoyance and distance, she really felt affectionate towards Dagmara Belet.

"Well, maybe he wrote your letter after mine", she mused, thinking it a bit odd Gordon would differentiate between his sister and his daughter. "Mine he had to end in haste, because another alarm was sounding, and then he might have had not enough time afterwards?"
It could be he had stumbled over a messenger unexpectedly and because one never knew when you'd see another, most people made them wait while they finished their correspondency.

What if it really had been Chase? She had seen him return from some journey just a few hours ago, he could well have been out at the front lines. Maybe she should ask him next time they met? If there was to be a 'next time' that was… But she couldn't help but starting to imagine it. She would thank him. And he would be even more surprised, because Celvi was sure he never got a 'thank you' for what he did, at least not by her kind. And then maybe he would warm up again and they could just talk…

The word 'marriage' brutally pushed her back into reality and hit her like a mace. How…? What…? Why was her aunt sounding that now of all days? Was there something going on, a scheme between her father and Dagmara? Or did she just sound the question out of the blue? No, her aunt never did something 'out of the blue'!
"M-Marriage?" her voice quivered the tiniest bit. "No… why?"

Of course she knew she was well of marriageable age, maybe even a bit too old already. Was Aunt Dagmara afraid she might die a spinster? Celvi didn't share those fears, in fact, she didn't care about marriage at all. The one she loved would never be acceptable, and other than that?
Marriage was even a worse golden cage than the one she was in now. There would be no chance for her to break out anymore, no reprieve, no 'fay moments'.
With her father away Celvi had thought this issue would be kept far away from her.
Apparently she had been wrong.


(( It was not cruddy at all!!))

[Ruler Of Ion]

The stammering coming from Celvi, confirmed what Dagmar had assumed. Celvi was still focused on living her life freely and not having the ties to marriage that would soon come to fall. She raised a brow slightly at the questioning of why she had asked her meaningful question. “ Just simply wondering Celvi, simply wondering” she answered back softly. Swallowing slightly, she pondered whether to further inquire on whether or not Celvi had even taken a favoring toward one of the many eligible bachelors in the noble society. So many fine young men, surely someone had caught her niece’s eye?

“You should be taking consideration to the thought” the Countess mused, trying to bring a bit of informality into her tone, lightening the dire situation. Bring commitment to a free spirited being like her nice may frighten her so, and that was something Dagmara wouldn’t want to happen. She wanted marriage to be a wondrous event in her niece’s life not something disastrous. “There are many eligible and handsome young man I am certain would be overjoyed to have you by their sides in marriage” Dagmara teased lightly, bringing a very slight smile to her formal mask.

It was truth to her words. Who wouldn’t want the beautiful young Lady, Dagmara was proud to call family. Celvi was mannered in polite society, she was a well educated being and held the title of Lady in Waiting to the heir of the thrown. She was an ideal prospect for marriage, perfect in so many ways the Dagmara was sure that whom ever took to courting her would surely look over the few quirks her personality held.

“The eldest Berlett boy, he ‘s kind and knowledgeable. His father is a great man, look how well he has done in his life, and Jayden is following closely in his steps.” She started, hoping by sounding like she approved one of the eligible boys Celvi would be eased into the subject and perhaps say how she fancies. “Or the Grand Duke, he’s still unmarried and I have caught him glancing you way on occasion. “

[Celvi Gray]

The brief relief about Dagmara's comment that she was only 'wondering' was quickly replaced by more concern as she kept on discussing the matter, showing she was by no means through with it.
The changing of tone was probably meant to make it easier for her, but however teasingly her aunt sounded, Celvi was well aware she was not joking.

She tried to smile nevertheless, forcing herself to go along with it and not let it show how the sheer thought of marriage horrified her. It was an inevitable fact: She was going to be married, whether she liked it or not. The sooner she got accustomed to this, the better. Her life was not meant to be a dream or a happy tale. Maybe she could learn to fall out of love with Chase and accept the life that was meant to be hers soon. If not she would not only make herself unhappy, but her own family, too. And the least she wanted was to become a disgrace to the name "Gray".

"If you say so, aunt Dagmara", she said shyly, "your knowledge about these things is of course far better than mine."
But deep down she didn't believe her aunt. Who could be overjoyed to have her at his side if he only saw the oyster, not the pearl inside? And if this oyster already left so much to be desired, wouldn't the pearl alienate her future husband even more? She was pretty sure no one at court would put up with the wild thing she caged inside, if he knew of its presence. No one ever could love her real self, because he would never know it existed.

When Dagmara spoke about all those reputable and known names, she couldn't help but pale a little. Such high aims! Of course she knew both men, the son of Count Berlett was often to be found in the library. He was well educated, but also a bit of a bore in Celvi's eyes. Not the worst man in the world to marry, but still…
And then the Grand Duke! He was the most desirable bachelor of whole Lamora! To think the man all ladies-in-waiting swooned over might have noticed her of all people was nothing short of a laugh! But she bewared of questioning Dagmara's statement, instead she smiled and found she even blushed a bit, though the reason was completely lost to her. Maybe the behaviour of the other ladies was contagious? They always blushed when he passed them by.
"These are all highly respectable men. I should be happy to call one of them my future husband. But I need to prove myself worthy of this honour."

Empty words. Good as they may be, none of them was Chase or even close to him. Could one really learn to love your intended? Or was love a luxury denied to girls of her state?

[Ruler Of Ion]

The expression shown in Celvi’s gaze put a damper on Dagmara’s false excitement on the subject at hand. She muted her enthusiasm and simply brushed away an attempt to ease her niece into enjoying the call of marriage. Though the gentle nudging seemed to be getting the elder lady anywhere on the matter, she seemed to be treading in place. Celvi would be married, even if forcing her into it was necessary.

However that was the last thing Dagmara had wanted to do. Force her niece into something she didn’t want, but what had to be done would be done. Her own marriage had been arranged and the man she found detestable at first she had grown to love in the short time they had spent together. Their marriage had ended tragically at his death, leaving Dagmara a widowed Countess, childless and broken hearted....

“That you do but, I doubt that would be very hard on your part being such a charming girl already” Dagmara praised softly. “You are every man’s ideal wife, Celvi. You are well mannered, charming and honestly have the looks to make ever the Princess jealous on a bad day.” A slight and meaningful smile crossed the aged featured of the Countess, she meant what she said. Every word if it.

Celvi’s mother had been sought out by many men from her looks and personality. And by luck or fate had chosen Gordon to call her husband. Dagmara saw more and more of Talyia in Celvi’s own ways daily. Certain quirks made Dagmara nearly forget that this wasn’t her deceased sister in law, but her niece. It was an honest amazement how one could resemble their own mother so. Dagmara herself had been the opposite of her mother who happened to be very vain and snippy.

[Celvi Gray]

Again her aunt's features seemed to soften, Celvi noticed with interest and a kind of joy. This short encounter was the most unexpected one she had had with Dagmara in a while, the old Lady revealing much more of herself than she probably knew. Maybe the thought of her brother returning had sent her back to the old times, when Celvi was still a child, not needed to be drilled yet.

But whatever it was, this time she would not make the same mistake as to discard this praise again by sounding ungrateful. The was grateful for this little snippets of sympathy after all, showing and reassuring her she was not a complete failure after all. Who could pass the over-critical eyes and mind of the Manners Witch, would pass the test of courtlife as well.
Therefore she accepted the unusual praise with bashfully cast down eyes and a little colouring of her cheeks.
"Thank you, Aunt Dagmara. I'm trying my best to make you and father proud."

That best was often not good enough, Celvi knew very well herself. Thinking that she might even disappoint them again soon with her refusal of marriage, hurt her. But how could she simply ignore her heart, leaving all those castles in the air behind? Was this what becoming an adult was all about? Discarding dreams, accepting that life was never as it should be?
How could this be so hard? The sheer thought of giving up on Chase made her want to cry out with pain, even if she knew there was nothing to lose anyway.

Arguing silently with herself, she hestitantly let out one of the questions that were nagging at her. "Did you… did you love your husband?"
She didn't know much of this man she never had had the chance to meet, for neither Dagmara nor her Dad spoke about him, besides on very rare occasions and even then only in short comments.

[Ruler Of Ion]

“I bet you will” Dagmara confided with a soft smile, knowing and hoping that Celvi wouldn’t go against her own word and ruin the family name. Immediately she felt ashamed for even slightly doubting her niece. She knew that Celvi wouldn’t disappoint at least she just couldn’t fathom the idea that she would intentionally do so. She would make her father and her aunt proud, even if that meant marrying without love.

A bit taken back at her niece’s next words, Dagmara raised both brows in surprise. Never had she been asked this question, for no one ever asked knowing the subject was a sore one. She inhaled shakily, regaining her composure before speaking. Her gaze his the ground as another few shaky breaths were taken.
Once fully under control of her emotions, the Countess met her gaze to Celvi’s.

“Allistor, bless his heart, was a man you had to learn to love, “ she murmured softly, “ ask your father! He never did truly like Allistor, claiming their was something sinister about the man.” She was trying her best to avoid the actual question at first but stopped again, dropping on defenses she had put up on the subject.

Inhaling and exhaling slowly, before trying another attempt at answering. “I loved him in a way that all wives should love their husbands….” she left her words to hang on the air. Not wanting the truth of her honest dislike of man she had been betrothed to. He was a pig, always treating Dagmara like a servant not like a wife. She thought him detestable and he thought of her a piece of property. But no one, not even Gordon or Celvi would ever know this. It would ruin her image of being a respectable Lady.

[Celvi Gray]

As Aunt Dagmara struggled to answer without giving too much away of her feelings, Celvi watched with growing unease. Maybe it would have been better if she hadn't asked. But the words were spoken and now she had to deal with the consequences.
The least she could do was to hide her own embarrassement, glancing nonchalantly about as if she didn't notice her aunt's distress. For a shame was only then truly a shame if it was known. Making Dagmara believe she had hid her feelings well would ease the tension between the two women, or so Celvi believed.

Celvi didn't know much about marriage and the like, being surrounded by maidens and widows constantly, only the things she knew of stories and histories. But it needed no great experience to detect that this marriage between her aunt and her diseased uncle had not been a fairytale. 'Learn to love' – was that even possible? No doubt Dagmara had been a dutiful wife, like she was dutiful in everything, but was it childish to dream of having both, love and marriage in one person?

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked", she apologized, but kept even the tiniest hint of pity completely out of her voice, knowing Dagmara would hate to feel pitied.
"It's just that I don't know anything about this issue that is to be my own concern soon. And I don't want to nurse false illusions or, Runnori prevent, make mistakes."

Her mind wandered off to the men Dagmara was likely to choose as her intended. Could she learn to love them 'as all wives should love their husbands'?
Jaden Berlett, the bookworm – well at least something they had in common. But he lacked the esprit Celvi loved in men, particularly in Chase to be honest. Would he even notice she was there or forget her the next minute their marriage was through?
And the Grand Duke Redwood… If anything, all maidens would be hopping mad, if he was to be her husband. He was handsome and courageous – even Celvi's Dad had noticed that – but the thing was: he knew it! He knew it and he had developed an aloofness nothing short of arrogance, eyeing all others as if they were miles beneath him.

Could she stand this attitude without constantly wanting to fight back, causing her to be a disgrace to her family?

[Ruler Of Ion]

Dagmara fretted over exposing so much emotion to her niece. It was a question that had caught her off guard and left her grasping for any remnants of her etiquette. She patted a crease in her dress’s skirt that only she could see, trying to occupy her mind with something other than the fact her niece may have found her weakness and if she ever felt the need may use that against her.

She honestly didn’t hate the man, she just simply detested his pig like nature. He wasn’t abusive, just excessively lazy and thought Dagmara should wait on him hand on foot. At first she may have hated him in truth of words, but now she missed his crude jokes and shameful behavior, for he had filled that void of emptiness that only a man could fill. He had never spoken kindly to her on whispered sweet lover’s sayings, but she learned to look past that and embrace him as her husband, a man she was supposed to live the rest of the her days with…..

“Do not apologize Celvi, you had a right to know. I blame it on myself for not quenching your curiosity of the matter earlier,” the Countess replied softly, grasping both of her own hands together and unconsciously rubbed where her wedding band once sat on her finger. A prized keepsake now tucked away in a chest underneath a jumble of old dresses and memoir items. It would never rest on her finger again, never bless the air with its soft sheen. It was now just a metal reminder of what could have been.

“Mistakes will be made, there is no preventing them. Marriage is something one can prepare for only so much. Many of its lessons are ones to be learned alone, even if they have bitter outcomes.” She let her words hang on the air a brief moment before wanting to lighten the damper mood and adding. “You shouldn’t fret yet over marriage, for we still have to convince your stubborn as mule father to give you away” she laughed lightly, offering a gentle smile in turn.

[Celvi Gray]

Slowly Dagmara seemed to regain her compsure again, though the moment of closeness between aunt and niece seemed to last. Celvi was glad about these short moments every once in a while, where her aunt was not only a moral authority, but a relative, of not motherly figure. She savoured them dearly and saved them for times, when Dagmara's aloofness caused her pain.

It was difficult to think of her aunt as a young girl like herself, full of hopes and dreams, but alas, that's what she had been once. But life had not gone easy on her, and as a result Dagmara seemed to keep everything away from her heart and soul, shielding herself and not letting anyone in. All the more reasons to thank her for the little snippets of useful information Celvi could get from her apart from general manners.

Celvi gave a little acknowledging bow of her head, saying: "Thank you all the more for sharing it with me now. There are so many things I still don't know."
Also about mother, she thought, but decided to not going into this now, too. There was a right and a wrong time for everything.

A surge of relief washed through her as she heard Dagmara's words, almost an absolution. So no one expected perfection of her, at least not thoroughly. If faults were likely, maybe she could get away with some, though she doubted her serious contempt was also so easily forgiven. Well, all she could do was to hide it as best as she could.
An even greater relief was Dagmara's remark about her father. If he really was so reluctant to let her go, maybe there was still a reprieve of some kind? Maybe another year? By then her infatuation on Chase might even be through, so that she could think about marriage more clearly? Infatuation… as if! She almost sounded like Aunt Dagmara there, belieing her feelings…

Hiding her inner argument, she returned her aun't laugh with a soft chuckle of her own.
"Aw, come on", she teased. "Knowing you, you will convince him soon enough. One can only disobey you for so long!"

((Hope it's OK... Celvi is slipping my mind atm))

[Ruler Of Ion]

Life now was a much simpler item then when it was with marriage. She could be at ease in her schedule. Having nothing that revolved around a husband, but herself and her duties alone. No, catering to a man every demand or keeping up an ideal appearance of a perfect wife: or the prized jewel on a man’s arm. She had little to complain about in living a life of leisure while most Ladies of her age revolve around their spouses’ schedules.

“Ah, that is true, but with age comes wisdom and marriage a knew set of understanding” mused Dagmara with a wise and slight smile on her lips. Her façade showed the little pleasure she felt in this conversation while remaining a modest, emotionless being. She shifted a half step backward, stiffening her posture that began to slip into a undesirable and informal relaxed pose.

The tease from her niece made her once again slip in her formal expression. “Ah, that is true, but your father does have a unknown way of not being phased by my threatening,” she laughed joyfully.

It was true. The element of a intimidation is how she managed to manipulate most to do what was proper, and Gordon seemed to be immune to her specialized skill. But then again he was her brother and siblings often have ways of ignoring one another. She could easily tell someone to do something but in the same breath, wouldn’t be able to even convince Gordon into attempting what she asked. She could beg and plead and maybe then he might give in slightly but not often.

Both Gray children had stubborn streaks, but by far the male child was stronger. As a child, she could beg and plead and maybe then he might give in slightly but not often. He was unyielding to most of his elder siblings demanding, but a few times in a rare moment he would be manipulated into something.

[Celvi Gray]

There was a time when Celvi would have loved to hear such an answer, when she was still convinced that getting older would solve all your problems. Which child didn't want to be 'adult'? Which child didn't yearn for the day when all the other grown ups would see them as equals and treat them as such?
Now Celvi was close to be an adult, and she had long since learned that growing up didn't solve your problems, it merely created different ones, and worse ones at that!
And she also had realised that although she might be treated differently now, it was far from been treated better. Stupid children, yearning for the end of the best time of their lives!

But by no means would she let her aunt show she was feeling ungrateful again. Was that part of her personality, always wanting to be someone else and to have other things than those she should be happy to call her own? Would she end up a nagging shrew, causing her surroundings to shun her? Runnori prevent!
Sighing, she forced a smile on her face and once more bowed her head. "I hope so. May Runnori guide my path to wisdom and understanding!"

Her discomfort though was washed away quickly by her aunt's next remark. That her father might be immune to Dagmara's fierce nature was a truly interesting revellation.
"He does?" she asked and raised an eyebrow in mocking indignation. "How… absorbing." She definitely had to look out for examples of this unexpected and useful ability. It was odd to think of aunt Dagmara differently than her being the absolute authority, almost second to the queen herself. Yet there seemed to be some kind of trick to neutralize Dagmara's impact on one's conscience.

"Maybe I should ask father to teach me how it works", she mused with an almost mischievous smile. "Such an ability could come in handy. Or is it only because he's your brother?"
Of course she was only joking – or was she? Could it really be she wished to disobey her aunt who always wanted the best for her? What she thinks is the best for me… shouldn't I know best? Shouldn't the best for me be what makes me happy? And I surely know what or who makes me happy!

[Ruler Of Ion]

‘Wisdom and understanding.’ Those words that left her niece’s lips made her inwardly wish that Runnori would guide Celvi onto such a path. Adulthood was rumored to be filled to the brim with such ways, but in Dagmara’s eyes only a few beings were graced with the blessed knowledge. Some it just skipped over leaving them daft and useless while a select few fought to obtain such teachings, herself being one. It wasn’t a smooth path too obtain such learning but it was a quest she had desired to accept in order to succeed in Court life without the necessary help of a man.

The Countess laughed softly, “Don’t act so surprised, even the greatest of dragons are not feared by all.” A soft and energetic smile crossed her lips. Her brother was a man who was easily unfazed by many items, including his sister who fazed many. ”His artful skill is hard to obtain, but I have no doubt in daughter being like father and being able to learn the craft” she mused, finding the conversation quite amusing.

It would be an skill she would lover for her niece to have. At times she feared Celvi took her criticism to personally and held a grudge for how harsh she could be to Celvi. Her critiques were meant to help her succeed in court life, not smash her down into disgracefully falling for a commoner, with the thought that’s as good as she could do. For Celvi to disgrace her family name in such a way, Dagmara would take the blame upon herself, knowing she had failed to raise a proper Lady.

But then, would a lady who could easily be expected to have high expectations fall for a common boy? The very thought made the Countess scoff with an inner laugh. But a small twinge in her gut, made her rethink the idea. It wasn’t that far fetched of an idea. Especially when the Queen of their beloved country had taken a messenger boy as her lover, or so rumored.

[Celvi Gray]

Aunt Dagmara comparing herself to a dragon put an amused and sweet smile on Celvi's face. It was fun to imagine this woman winged and spitting fire. And her father no doubt being the fearless knight posing its spear against it, laughing the danger in the face – like all those child's stories coming alive. Of course her father wouldn't beat Dagmara with a weapon, he just seemed unfazed and that alone did the trick. Maybe she should take out a leaf of his book big time. It was not right she rather feared than liked this woman who apart from her father was the only kin she had.

"Ah, no, you are not a dragon!" she contradicted softly and laughed. "Though I always imagined you had wings hidden somewhere. How else could you manage to be everywhere at once?"
She did refer to Dagmara's amazing ability to always watch over her, getting the gist of every important business going on in the court at first hand and having time for herself – all at the same time as it seemed. How did she do that? Celvi herself found it difficult already to divide her time between amusing the princess and caring a little for herself. How could she possibly do that when even a husband would demand her attention?

The fact her aunt had so much faith in her, one day mastering the same skill, did surprise her. Could it be Dagmara actually wanted her to be that spiteful? Shouldn't she obey to anything she said? Or was it all about confidence? Well, Celvi did not deny she lacked quite a bit of it. She knew herself she always questioned herself too much about what she should or shouldn't do. But with Princess Christabel about, always cavilling at everbody's every move, it was hard to develop a good self-esteem.
"I shall put that on my list of goals to achieve, then", she commented and nodded slowly. But then a mischievous smile broke to her indifferent features and she added with a wink: "It might be you'll regret this someday, you know. I'm sure you'll be cursing this very minute, craving to take back your easily spoken words."

If these words were actually predictive, Celvi couldn't yet say, but she had a weird sense of foreboding. Could it be she actually would stand up to her aunt one day, fighting for something that meant so much to her, but would never find her families approval?

[Ruler Of Ion]

The conversation once dark and strongly disliked had taken a lighter turn, making a well mannered Lady of the Court laugh like a young child over some bubbly matter. Her lips had lost their serious line and turned upward into a rarely seen and honestly happy smile. When was the last time she had laughed like this with her niece? Close to never was a reasonable answer. But there was always a need for change, especially in a dark time as now when the man that connected these very different women was off fighting a war, putting his life at danger daily.

“That is a skill I worked hard to obtain,” she laughed gaily, “how else would I have been able to keep an eye on your mischievous father when we were younger? He was always getting himself into one mess or another.” Gordon had been a playful soul in his youth, always gaining himself a bit of scolding over one prank or another. Dagmara had always been the responsible Gray child, her brother wild the majority of the time, while having brief streaks of maturity.

The jovial smile left her façade, only to be replaced by a mischievous and mock horrified mouthpiece. As an additive to her mock horror at one day regretting her words, she uttered a brief gasp and one hand raised to her mouth. “That is a wager I will hold, Celvi” she responded with a playful tone of voice.

That day, she hoped would come yet she wished it to never rear its ugly face. Her gut churned with an uneasy emotion that didn’t display on the surface expression. When Celvi did learn to grow a thick skin and stand up against her sharp tongued aunt, would it be a simple matter or a conflict that could alter their lives greatly. She ushered these thoughts quickly from her mind, returning to bask in the formerly light mood of aunt and niece joking in the library.