Roll Away Your Stone (Celvi)

[lili]

The thud of Annabelle's hooves hitting the ground sounded in Christabel's ears. There was no longer any snow to muffle the sound - spring had taken a firm hold of the land now. And with it, it had brought a strange turn of events. Still ruffled from her birthday party the night before, a frown painted Christabel's face.

Her mother's announcement of her birthday present had come as a strange and unwelcome surprise. Years in the past, the princess was used to being doted on with lavish gifts - her beloved horse had been a birthday present once, and by far it was her favorite. But this year, she had not been given a new dress or piece of jewelry. No - for her seventeenth birthday, she was given a man. Strange notion it seemed to her that a man could be given as a gift from one woman to another. But Christabel had understood her mother's intentions at once, of course. It was all to quiet the rumors. Anything to save face at court.

Still, Christabel had a hard time wrapping her mind around the concept. Surely, her mother did not expect her to marry the man. But what else could she have meant by giving him to her as a birthday gift? As if a person could be given like piece of property! Surely, it made her mother no better than slave traders she had heard of in other countries.

To be truthful, the thought of marriage had troubled Christabel very little. There were those, she knew, that would have her married to Mar'vol's king in order to end the war. But Christabel had held on to the hope that being her country's future queen would grant her the right to choose her own husband. It was foolish, perhaps, to think that she was above arranged marriage. Her mother, after all, had been given a say in her own marriage. Christabel had always hoped that she would be given the same. So what was this gift meant as, really? A choice, or an order?

Christabel closed her eyes for an instant, took a deep breath, and opened them again. She would not fret over it now. She was doing one of the things she loved best - riding. Riding with several ladies and even more guards, which of course was not as enjoyable as solitude. But it was what her stupidity had cost her, though it had cost the Lady Gray more. Christabel allowed herself to fall behind the other ladies, riding next to Celvi. She much preferred her company over the other ladies-in-waiting with their mindless gossip.

"I suppose I should say congratulations on your engagement, Lady Gray. Are you happy? You must know that I am not my mother, nor a good friend of my cousin's. You may tell me the truth." And truth be told, Christabel was almost sure she had seen something in Celvi's strange eyes when her mother announced the engagement. Perhaps she had only imagined it, and the girl was happy to be marrying the most high-ranking noble in court. Or perhaps she had glimpsed something of a kindred spirit in Lady Gray.

[Celvi Gray]

Déjà-vue… something you remember vividly as if you had already lived through this moment. Something similar to that was what Celvi Gray witnessed right now – and then it was completely different as well.
Yes, she was riding again with Princess Christabel along the banks of the Ryum River, but this time they were accompanied by a large entourage of other ladies and a mass amount of guards. The royal court of Lamora had learned its lesson, and thoroughly. And even though it was only a few weeks, also the weather had changed. Now no snow covered the ground, a faint green glow was seen over the dry brownish-yellow grass of last year. Princess Christabel had brought spring to Lamora, like always.

But for Celvi it had brought no such pleasantries. Last night had started out as the best night of her entire life – and it had ended as the worst. Runnori in her unfathomable ways had first raised her above the clouds, until smashing her back to the ground again. Hard. She had started out the masquerade as Lady Celvi Gray, safely returned from Mar’vol and yearning for a meeting with her secret and totally improper love, and she had turned out to become Lady Celvi Gray, soon to be Called Duchess Redwood.
To think how the lady riding these paths now was different from the one being captured along the same paths was almost unbelievable. Her greatest sorrow in life had been struggling with her scandalous feelings for a common messenger. Now she had survived captivity and had been rewarded with a gift she despised.

And someone else held the prize she desired. Celvi’s gaze involuntarily returned to Christabel, riding a little in front of her. The Princess now owned Chase… for whatever purpose and reason. This had been the kick in the guts when Celvi had already been down. And it made the tender flower of friendship, the teethering bond that had form between these girls seem in peril. At least on Celvi’s side, and it might have to always stay that way. No one could know how she felt inside, it was unthinkable!
Bell’s mind must have wandered oddly similar ways, as she suddenly chose to talk to Celvi, letting her mare Annabel fall back a few steps. They had had no chance to talk since what had come to pass last night, and so the question was valid. What shocked Celvi was the genuine nature of the remark.

It brought a heavy conflict to Celvi’s mind. It was so tempting to finally admit the truth to someone, and Bell had sounded like she truly cared. But could she dare to voice her innermost thoughts concerning that match that had been made without her knowledge and consent?
“Thank you! I… I should be pleased”, she started and tried a brave smile, but then her mask crumbled unexpectedly, the wound was too fresh to be covered up completely. “But fact is…” she lowered her voice so no one else would hear. “I… I can’t make myself to be…” Shrugging, she depicted her helplessness in this matter. What she felt went against every thought of reason, but she couldn’t help herself.

[lili]

As Celvi spoke, Christabel could see the mask that all courtiers wore slipping just slightly. And it felt odd to have someone confiding in her. The last close friend she had had was her cousin - and that friendship had dissolved long ago as the two grew older and their differences became more apparent. Christabel nodded in understanding at Celvi's words. And though she sympathized with Celvi, part of her could not help but feel glad that there was someone else who felt the same way she did - that perhaps she had found someone she might be able to confide in.

"Sometimes we don't feel the way they want us to feel," she said - perhaps a bit cryptically - under her breath. And certainly, Christabel knew better than almost anyone what it felt like. She knew there were those that would trade places with her in a heartbeat. And honestly, she would trade places with almost anyone - save her mother - just as quickly. She dreaded the idea of the decisions she would someday be faced with - if she chose to be queen, that is. She was still unsure. But sooner or later, she knew she would have to decide, and it was looming over her head like a dark cloud threatening rain.

"You must know how glad we all are to have you back, Lady Gray," Christabel said - though it was sort of an abrupt change of subject. She spoke at a more normal tone now that the subject was a safe one - it did not matter if they were overheard. "Especially myself. I spent much time worrying for you in your absence. I feel terrible for causing your abduction. It was a stupid thing I did." And though part of the reason she said those words was to quench the curiosity of the other ladies and keep them from eavesdropping - and surely they wondered why the princess was singling out one of them to talk with - she meant every word of what she said. And looking ahead at the other ladies and the guards surrounding them, Christabel could not help but wish she could ride free again, just like before – as stupid as the knew she had been, she could not help it. At any rate, she would be careful from now on who she put in danger. Somehow, though, Christabel could not seem to bring herself to care whether or not she put only herself in danger again, however. It seemed to her that the feeling of utter bliss and freedom of galloping through the woods alone was worth it. Surely, a girl with thoughts like that one was not fit to rule a country.

[Celvi Gray]

Celvi was glad Bell didn’t dig deeper on the subject. This might have become dangerous ground for both of them. The lady could not very well explain her discerning behavior from what was considered appropriate to her princess without coming too close to the actual reason of her feeling like this. Chase. And still the name hung there in the mild spring air between them, unsaid and probably never to be mentioned, but for Celvi it created an obstacle almost impossible to overcome, and it was now her dearest challenge not to make this known. Then again, it was hard trying to rationalize something as strong as that away, even though it existed only in her imagination.
And still, she felt between her and the princess not many words were needed. They seemed to have found a fragile understanding, finally realising they were a chip off the same block, and she would hate to destroy this mutual feeling.

”I couldn’t agree more to that”, she replied with a little sigh, raising her face towards the sun, savoring the albeit only tender and almost bleak rays on her face. Spending a few days in a dark and damp cell made you so very thankful for those little things that seemed so natural and only showed their worth when they were taken away from you.
”But there’s nothing that can be done about it, I guess”, she finished, shrugging. “Your mother decided in that matter and to refuse such an honor would bring shame over my whole family. I cannot risk that.” She laughed bitterly, but under her breath. “I’m as bound by honor as you are by your heritage, my princess.”

The subject returned to Mar’vol, and clearly, Celvi had expected it. Her abduction had turned out to be a turning point in her life, influencing so many things, her current betrothed state as well as her relationship to Christabel. And there seemed to be something haunting the princess still, which Celvi found deeply moving.
”I am glad to be back as well”, she confessed honestly, but then raised her hand. “I know it is not befitting to contradict my princess and future queen, but let me say this: Whatever happened happened for a reason I guess. So many times you rode out alone and nothing happened. And don’t think I regretted going in your place for a second!” She swallowed drily as suddenly memories came crashing down on her again, very unpleasant pictures taking over her mind for a moment. Then she squared her shoulders and continued. “Even in my darkest hours the thought that kept me upright was: better me than her.” She dared a little smile. “So please don’t spoil my heroism with your guilty thoughts, yes? I want to savor the feeling a little bit longer.”